I found this via Egoraptor's dickish comment, overly-critizing this piece.
Pretty ironic that his first flash's are exactly comprised of everything he was whining about in terms of this flash.
There's nothing wrong with this.
Shading on the characters would have helped, but other than that, there's nothing wrong with this shit.
I'm glad Bangs McGee is gone. For one of NG's top producers, he doesn't need to be raining shit advice on others, not at least in the same words he used. Really disrespectful, and blatantly disingenuous.